Where Did All This Ugly Come From?

The first week at the gym was eye-opening on so many levels. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how the program is structured to really make Moms feel empowered. I was also surprised at all the ugly that came up…

I was nervous about being back at the gym for the first time in 4 years and was certain I was going to be the odd one out. To my surprise, everyone in the group was friendly and reassuring. I found the women to be of all heights and sizes and they treated me as if we had known each other for months. We workout at a dance studio which means there are mirrors all around us. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but once we got started, I noticed it was difficult to look at myself in the mirror and I felt a lot of insecurities and negative self-talk creep in - especially if I felt the exercises were getting too tough. Things like “it’s your fault we’re in this mess” and “how could you be so careless” and “you deserve to struggle through this…” I didn’t say anything to anyone; all of this caught me by surprise and I tried my best to shake it off (with little to no luck.) The only thing that changed that horrible inner-self talk was none other than my sweet 3-year-old.

Mid-week while doing my mirrorless, at-home workout (and somehow convincing my husband to do it with me) we heard our son wake up from his nap and take a seat on the couch behind us as we finished the 2nd round and transitioned into a water break. Covered in sweat and barely catching my breath, I heard a little voice behind me say “Good job, Mami!”

All it took was three little words for me to give myself any credit for the work I was doing. I mean, if he was proud of me, shouldn’t I be, too? What would he think if he heard me talking down on myself? What would I think if I ever heard himtalking down on himself? I’m so very thankful I was present enough to hear such a simple and profound message from the person I love most. From here on out, Mami is keeping her shoulders back and her head high, baby.

I truly couldn’t have been paired with a better group and trainer. And while I’m sore beyond what I’d imagined, I’m so looking forward to the next seven weeks.

In health and love,